Craving Acceptance

We have to starting craving our own acceptance. We have to stop doing things that'll compromise our creative nature.

I used to always want to be like everyone else. I wanted to have perfect skin, a beautiful smile, and a ton of friends. I wanted so bad to be popular.  (Not saying that I don't have some of those physical things, but I always wanted to be accepted because deep down I knew that I was different). I knew from the moment I entered middle school that my life was a lot different than the girls I talked to in class.

     I used to spend hours on end on the computer at my grandparents house, instead of hanging with my friends and going to the park. I was always on Microsoft Word and the internet searching up how-to's and writing down all of my ideas. I remember at the age of 12, I stayed on that computer from the moment I got there, until it was time for my mom to pick us (my sister and I) up after she got off of work. I would live on the computer, because it was my safe place.

     The computer for me, was a place where I could just be myself. I remember being on Stardoll and CoolMath-Games, playing a ton of games while listening to the music that my older cousin had downloaded to the Windows Media Player. It was bliss.

     I remember writing out my first business plan for my own restaurant. I sat on the computer all day writing down recipes  many of which I stole from the Cooking Mama video game. I also remember how heartbroken I was when I found out the name that I wanted for my restaurant was already taken (the name was International Foods). From that idea, I remember creating my own food-based cartoon show, which included characters like Mr. and Mrs. Gyoza and Tasha Taco; I had so much fun back in those days.

     I also used to write a TON of music, from indie-pop to R&B, sampling instrumentals from music by my favorite artists at the time (like Drake, Alicia Keys and Keyshia Cole). But, as I got older, a lot of those interests started to fall off as I lost touch with myself. I was so worried that being different meant that I couldn't achieve success my way. I felt like I needed to follow a certain regimen in order to achieve whatever it was that I wanted to achieve back then.

     It came a time (my sophomore year in college) that I finally realized that me being myself was most important. Me being who God created me to be was most important. It took me being in a dorm by myself to realize that trying to fit in was not meant for me. I've had constant conversations myself, letting myself know that my creative direction is important in this world. There is no one on this Earth that will be capable of doing things the exact way that I do (and this goes for all of us). I learned that I needed to crave my own acceptance.

     When I first started my blog in April, it was another attempt at me trying to fit in. I was trying something that I wanted to do for years, but I didn't know the direction that I needed to go in. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into. I would do hauls, skincare posts, and fashion because those were the "it" things to do for lifestyle bloggers. While I do enjoy the realm of beauty and fashion, that's just not what drives me creatively. Which is why I'm starting over.

     I know, I know. I have had successful posts and have gained great traffic to my blog through those posts, but sometimes starting over is soooo necessary. This is why I took a month away from my platform, to take a deep look inside of myself and embrace who I am. I used to write and delete, write and delete because I wasn't satisfied with the content that I was creating. Being a typical blogger that only posts about what is on-trend isn't for me. I love art and design —  I live it and breathe it.

     Working with my hands on a new project is what pleases me the most. I love to design and decorate. I can spend hours designing logos, creating beautiful websites, drafting floor plans, decorating new spaces, creating music, and I will not have a single bit of despair in my veins. This is my creative direction, and my purpose that was given to my by God.

     I needed this time to call onto God, and to ask for Him to reveal to me my creative abilities. Collectively, we need to know that we possess the skills and talents to achieve beyond our greatest dreams. If you feel like you don't, like I did, call onto God. Ask Him for His advice and to help you see your unique creative ability. We have to starting craving our own acceptance. We have to stop doing things that'll compromise our creative nature.

     It's okay to have a fresh start. It's okay to take time away to realize your creative direction, and come back full force with freakin' amazing content. This doesn't just apply to influencers, it applies to all creatives around the world.. It's not all about fame and recognition. It about expressing yourself first. This is our fresh start, and together we will crave our own acceptance.